Another year, another Valentine’s Day has just passed. If you’re feeling pretty frustrated right now, congratulations! You were one of the many singles seeing the other couples sharing gifts and acting all lovey-dovey and as a result getting extremely jealous.
Though, is being single all that bad? It’s not like we’re the only ones with problems. Even couples occasionally get into fights which sometimes may even end in breakups. But as has been the case for humankind since the dawn of time, we seek partners because it’s a part of our programming. We look for love because indirectly it helps further the human race. It’s hardwired into us. That’s why when boys or girls reach puberty, we immediately think others of the opposite sex as attractive.
But here’s the thing though. That’s the only reason why our bodies and minds feel like we should be in a relationship. We’re programmed to think that way. So we do what makes sense to this primal behavior. We might jump into relationships just for the sake of being in one, whether or not it’s the right one. Or if you’re single, immediately get depressed you don’t have a date for Valentine’s Day.
All for something that’s just a behavior developed purely for furthering human evolution.
Does that mean relationships are bad? No, it does not. They are important since it provides a certain contentment and happiness you wouldn’t find anywhere else.
However, they will only be truly worth it if we know how to be single.
We can learn a lot from being single. In many ways, these lessons illustrated below help in relationships, whether you’re already in one right now or are looking for one.
And these are:
1. Learn to love yourself
A common mistake that many people tend to do, whether they’re already in a relationship or are looking for one, is that they want their partner to compensate for any flaws/difficulties they may have without trying to fix it themselves in the first place.
There a few things wrong with this approach:
- You start to depend on your partner for happiness. Without them, you immediately become depressed. You don’t know what to do without him/her. You become clingy. You need them otherwise you’re totally lost.
- If your partner is not able to make up or compensate for your flaws, they’re in danger of jeopardizing the relationship.
- You consider any relationship better than no relationship. Even if they’re not the ideal choice. As per a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, University of Toronto researcher Stephanie Spielmann found that people who fear the single life often “settle for less in love; they’re more likely to cling to unhappy relationships and more willing to date duds!”
That’s why before looking for a partner, learn about yourself. Know your strengths and definitely your flaws. Take steps to fix them. Learn to be happy with just yourself.
Before trying to find your better half, make sure your half is able to stand on its own.
2. Don’t expect the world from a relationship
Being in a relationship is great. It’ll definitely bring a lot of joy in your life and make you feel loved when you have that person in your life. But it’s not going to drastically make everything better.
You will still have your challenges to face that no else can do for you. You still would experience pain and loss. You might suffer setbacks. You still have your goals to meet in life. Being in a relationship doesn’t change any of that or make it all go away.
All that can be expected from it is we just have a person to stand by our side.
People in a relationship would eventually have realized this but for those who’re single, don’t worry about finding love too much. A relationship is nice to have but it doesn’t truly define who we are.
3. Success is not defined by whether we find love
Love is not the be all end all for us. Achieving success is more rewarding and fulfilling, especially when that success is finding our true goal in this world and working towards it. We may find moral support in a partner but we cannot consider ourselves successful just for that.
Find your purpose in life and work towards it. Achieve success by your own hard work and effort. Love will follow.
So go out there and conquer your dreams.
4. Love is more than just “romance”
You’ve probably heard of the different types of love according to the Ancient Greeks.
- “Eros” or Erotic Love
- “Philia” or Affectionate Love
- “Storge” or Familiar Love
- “Ludus” or Playful Love
- “Mania” or Obsessive Love
- “Pragma” or Enduring Love
- “Philautia” or Self Love
- “Agape” or Selfless Love
As can be seen there is more to love than just romantic love between partners. It’s also about unconditional love, love we have to our family, to our friends, to our society, how much we can love and appreciate ourselves.
Even in romantic love, it’s important on how we can develop the first romance to a deeper more enduring love as we grow older.
This matters on how we can better ourselves us a human being, for ourselves, for the people around us, and for our soul mate.
5. Don’t look for love, let love find you
This might be one of the biggest paradoxes ever. The more you chase relationships, the more it gets harder to find true love. On the other hand, if you don’t look for it and focus on your career or other dreams, 9 out of 10 times you’ll find love. Maybe even in the most unexpected of places.
Strange though it is, that’s life and we can use it to our advantage. Focus on bettering yourself. Learn more about yourself, about your passions, goals, about other people, about the world, about what you want to change about it and take steps to do it all and achieve what you set out to do.
Be who you want to be.
And then finally, maybe when you’re having a coffee in a restaurant 10 years later, you just might meet them.
Share your experiences and feedback with firstname.lastname@example.org or leave a comment down below. This’ll really be worthwhile knowing if you guys could take something out of this or if you have any new topics you want me to write about.
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